I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
