If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
