Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is wine microwaveable?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
