Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
