Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is classic penis vs brain.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
