Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
