let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
