my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
