I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
