Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
