I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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