it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
