I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she smelled like a LAN party
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
