some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
