This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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