Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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