turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
