the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
