I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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