she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
