totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
