Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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