Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
