How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I currently don't understand fingers.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
