Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I want a musical about memes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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