ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
