After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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