I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
