he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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