Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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