you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
