if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This is my gift to your gina
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
