guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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