Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
