i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
