my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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