She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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