awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
