Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
