smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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