fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
