i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
