do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
