Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well I just put wine in my tea
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
