i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
