It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Randomize
