Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
