He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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