I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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