dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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