I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
