At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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